PRACTICAL RELATIONSHIP ADVICE IN 2022

In these blogs, articles, & essays you will find practical relationship advice and insights on a wide range of relational challenges.

I write about my current & evolving thinking on different aspects of relationships and how they are changing, as well as sharing practical tools and tips that you can immediately implement.

The Drama Cycle Blog Image

How to Recognise a Toxic Drama Cycle

This model of the Karpman drama triangle is a framework to help understand some of the destructive patterns of engagement that play out between people. This may be slightly different to what you have learned or seen before, it is a model I learned from my mentor Alice Haemmerle and also has layers from my…
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Painting of couple who are best friends sitting on the roof of a car watching the sunset

The 3 Key Relationship Roles for Fulfilled Partnerships

Intimate relationships require 3 key relationship roles to bring intimacy, passion, and meaning to a conscious partnership. Co-create with purpose...
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The 5 Invisible Friendship Rules

The best of my friendships are found in that sweet spot between shared interests & values, great communication, and aligned “rules” of engagement. That is, once we meet the criteria of being friends, the depth is dictated by the degree of match between our secret invisible criteria for successful relationships. It is definitely possible to…
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Which of the 5 Senses is Your Lead NLP Style?

We all experience the world primarily through our 5 senses; visual, auditory, kinaesthetic, gustatory, olfactory. But which of these senses is your lead NLP style? And what does that mean for your partner & your relationship?
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NLP Communication Model Lego Perspectives

The NLP Communication Model in Relationships

PART 1: INTRODUCTION TO THE NLP COMMUNICATION MODEL Video Episode Transcript: Download Transcript Introduction to The NLP Communication Model Image created by Tara Thomas The NLP Communication model is a conceptual framework that describes the human brain’s process of filtering sensory information. This model was developed by, and covers these key ideas; the three types…
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Online Couples Therapy on the Couch

Does Online Couples Therapy Work? The Pros & Cons of Online Therapy

Post-panny, many of us still use Zoom for work or to connect socially, and most of us have a pretty good handle on it. But does online couples therapy work? I mean, as always the answer is both yes and no. Like every service, couples therapists range from amazing life-changers to horrendous hacks and bad actors. And again, like every service, taking that into an online space can have both benefits and challenges.
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retro roles in relationships

Defining Roles in Relationships: Escaping Relational Fuckery

Roles in relationships are rarely explicitly defined- most couples fall into roles that draw from the best & worst of their family histories. Those roles aren't reviewed strategically, and are only discussed when frustration or resentment trigger an argument (or ongoing conflict). In couples therapy all of the couples I work with have challenges directly created by poorly defined or disputed roles.
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That banana is attracted to someone else

Help! I’m Attracted to Someone Else: How to Handle Sexual Chemistry When You’re In a Relationship

There are few things as exciting as the spark of sexual chemistry; That rush of heat, the butterflies, the tingling in your loins... The raw magnetism is a heady rush- you feel vital, desirable, like you've truly been SEEN. That feeling is empowering. Your response can be devastating. So what do you do when you're in a relationship and find yourself sexually attracted to someone else?
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Protected: Systems Leverage Points – Domestic Logistics

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
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Couples Therapy Newcastle: A Comprehensive Guide to Choosing a Therapist

A Google search for "Couples Therapy Newcastle" generates loads of options, so how do you decide? This piece is equal parts cynical piece for search engine optimisation, and genuine guide to choosing a therapist. Like, within capitalism my website needs to rank well, AND folks actually want help making this decision. I think if I can bring enough transparency & honesty to what I'm writing, we can both get what we need here.
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Boundaries Versus Rules: Navigating Cooperative Power

Boundaries versus rules is an important distinction when we navigate power dynamics within relationships. A boundary is about power within me to make my decisions. A rule is about power over your decisions. Tara Thomas & Kia Handley talk about the different types of power in a relationship, and how to collaborate to express preferences, maintain boundaries, and navigate rules or agreements.
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Polarising Issues Chess Board

How to Navigate Polarising Issues in Your Friendships Without Being Antagonistic

Polarising issues arising from an increasingly volatile, uncertain, complex, and ambiguous world, can lead to relationship conflict or even end friendships & relationships. Tara Thomas & Kia Handley discuss a message from a listener about a friendship breakdown, and some of the issues that arise from that experience.
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Emotional Labour of Fake Smiles

What is Emotional Labour in Relationships?

Emotional labour is the energy & effort required to perform the task of managing emotions for self & others, so how does it affect relationships? In the context of relationships, emotional labour includes a whole shit load of work performed to make sure others feel emotionally 'comfortable'. This piece will unpack some of the fuckery that comes with that work, and some of the common relational patterns arising from emotional labour.
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Emergency Gap Plan with Plant

The Gap Plan; How to Avoid Catastrophe When the Sh!t Hits the Fan

Would your household fall apart if you had to take a week off? A gap plan is a great way to plan in advance for the inevitable lows of life, and to put support systems in place for your friends & family. Tara Thomas & Kia Handley talk about what needs to go into a…
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emotional awareness brain plus heart

Emotional Self Awareness; Unlock the Natural Wisdom of Your Body & Mind

Emotional self-awareness is one of the 3 facets of self-awareness which underpins all of the core skills in an emotionally intelligent person. This post unpacks the elements of emotional self-awareness, and provides some practical exercises to help develop your skills in that area.
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