Defining Relationship Roles: Escaping Relational Fuckery

Retro couple drinking tea or coffee at table.

Defining Relationship Roles: Escaping Relational Fuckery

Hey, I'm Tara, relationship coach & couples therapist.

I'm definitely a weirdo, and have never traveled a conventional path-
It sucks because the world isn't designed for misfits, sometimes it's myself I'm rebelling against, and being a weirdo can be lonely.

I swear a lot, think life is too short to waste on drama & bullshit, and dream of a world where we ALL belong.

Hey, I'm Tara, relationship coach & couples therapist. I'm definitely a weirdo, and have never traveled a conventional path- It sucks because the world isn't designed for misfits, sometimes it's myself I'm rebelling against, and being a weirdo can be lonely. I swear a lot, think life is too short...

Relationship roles are rarely explicitly defined- most couples fall into roles that draw from the best & worst of their family histories. Those roles aren't reviewed strategically, and are only discussed when frustration or resentment trigger an argument (or ongoing conflict). Most of these challenges are created by poorly defined or disputed roles.

Table of Contents

Mostly when people speak about relationship roles, they're referring to domestic logistics: The Who-Does-What in the household. That's rarely the actual issue!

When I work with folk in couples therapy, the ACTUAL issue is usually;

differing expectations of relationship roles
how logistical roles are divided, and
interactional patterns

Defining Relationship Roles

The words "relationship roles" are used in many different ways, for this piece I will be using the following definition;

"A socially defined pattern of behavior that is expected of a person who occupies a certain social position or belongs to a particular social category." Springer.com

A role only exists in relation to another person/people.

That means that relationship roles change depending on who we're with, our interaction, and our context.

For example, with my Mum my relationship role is 'daughter', with a client I'm a therapist, and in a shop I'm a customer. All those relationship roles come with expected patterns of behaviour that are defined by a combination of contextual influences, lived experience, and the person we're with.

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What are the Elements of Relationship Roles?

In a couples therapy setting I am primarily wanting to identify; is this role functioning effectively? And are all the participants happy with the arrangement?

Elements of relationship roles include;

What's the title of this role?
What's the function of this role?
Who holds responsibility for this role?
Is this an agreed role?
Are we aware of the dynamic this creates?
What are the specific behaviours & expectations of this role?
Which activities do we expect for this role?
What are our agreed minimum standards?
What's the setting where this role takes place?
Is this role effective for us?

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Unpacking the Categories of Roles in Relationships

There's no definitive way to look at categories of relationship roles, or even the roles themselves. It will always depend on the framework chosen.

For example choosing an hotel organisational framework provides team roles such as "Chef", "Housekeeper", and "Events Manager", a framework of Jungian archetypes brings symbolism to roles like "Magician", "Lover", or "Rebel", or a familial setting suggests the roles of "Parent", "Sibling" and so on.

Each framework is pre-populated with roles so the crucial part of defining relationship roles is to have clarity on which frameworks you're choosing, why you choose them, and the built in flaws & strengths of each model.

Let's look at some of the more common categories of relationship roles;

Social Relationship Roles

Social relationship roles describe how we see people in society, and includes career roles, community roles, and other relationships between people.

They're defined primarily by the cultural expectations of an interaction, as well as the activities and settings- you would anticipate you would find a baker in a bakery, and be able to buy some bread.

Some examples of social roles are;

Mostly these relationship roles play out fairly effortlessly, and the mismatches or disagreements about expectations go unnoticed, or just become today's rant about "can you believe that X did Y!"

As the role increases in frequency of contact, or importance, or impact, the mismatches in expectations become more apparent. Like, disagreeing with the baker about their role may never happen, in contrast with disagreeing about your role with a colleague you see daily.

Familial Relationship Roles

Familial relationship roles are some of the most complex to define. While we're likely to share the language of the "position" (for example "parent"), our family of origin, lived experience, and cultural influences create very different ideas of what the "position description" includes.

They describe the family relationship between people, both biological and chosen families. I've included partner/s and friends here too because the nature of those relationships is what I consider to be familial.

Some examples of familial relationship roles are;

Mother, Father, Parent, Sibling, Sister, Brother, Daughter, Child, Son
Aunt, Uncle, Auncle, Cousin, Niece, Nephew, Nibling, Grandparents
Lover, Partner, Spouse, Husband, Wife, Boyfriend, Girlfriend, Pal
Friends

These relationship roles play out in spectacularly different ways because of the huge variety of contextual influences each individual brings to a relationship. Familial roles also carry more emotional loading as they're often the source of dysfunctional (and functional!) relational patterning.

Logistical Relationship Roles

In a couples therapy context, logistical roles are the shit that needs to be done to run a household. I call this "domestic logistics" and find it helpful to use the metaphor of a hotel to identify those roles - beginning at the department level then working down into specific roles.

These are just some hotel departments, and the titles of some of the roles they include;

Kitchen; Chef, Sous Chef, Kitchen Hand,
Food & Beverage; Wait Staff, Bar Tenders, Barista
House keeping; Cleaners, Laundry
Maintenance; Gardens, Handy Man
Fleet Management; Mechanic, Driver,
Front of house; Bookings,
Events; Planner,
Administration;
Finance; Accounts Receivable, Accounts Payable, Bookkeeper, Accountant, Financial Planner
Public Relations,

In most households some or all of these relationship roles are performed with varying degress of skill & willingness. However. many couples get confused and think they have conflict about logistical roles in relationships, when actually it is the layering of gendered, or behavioural roles and expectations that is causing the fuckery.

Archetypal Relationship Roles

The idea of relational archetypes draws from Jungian psychology, as well as recurring characters or ideas from mythology or storytelling.

Individual interpretations of these archetypes can be the cause of great friction when partner/s have different or conflicting understanding of what it means to "do" that role! That's why this work of unpacking roles is so crucial, so that we can come to a consensus between partner/s about their interpretation of each relationship role.

I find working with archetypes to be helpful in couples therapy to name & identify patterns, as well as to experiment with flavours of expression.

Here are some examples of archetypes, or flavours of relationship roles;

seductress, lover, magician, dreamer, artist,
roles in a social change ecosystem : weavers, guides, experimenters, visionaries, builders, disrupters, healers
dark side and positive archetypes (martyr vs/ healer, leader vs/ bully)

Archetypal relationship roles most often play out unconsciously. That is, we don't realise we're bringing a 'hero' vibe and trying to 'save' our partner, or that we have 'rebel' energy which pushes back on true collaboration. These roles are most helpful to help us recognise a relational issue, or to generate solutions.

Archetypes can also bring different flavours to other role categories; for example layering 'martyr' over 'partner' describes a person with poor boundaries, layering 'rebel' over 'colleague' could describe a disruptor of the status quo (or just an asshole), or layering 'magician' over 'gardener' might imbue that role with a flavour of creativity & artistry.

By experimenting with the flavours of each archetype we can create expressions of roles in relationships that feel relevant & desirable to us as individuals.

Dynamics of Relationship Roles

This category of roles in relationships is about the relational dynamics between two people. Some of these roles are interactional patterns that we enact in many (or all) of our relationships, and some dynamics only arise with one other person.

These dyamics describe the way each individual behaves within a relational 'dance', and most of these patterns require at least one other person to play the complementary role.

For example, these relationship roles include;

Interactional patterns;

Drama Cycle (victim, aggressor, rescuer, observer)
frustrated teacher/resistant student
over function/underfunction
sibling competition
parent/child
pursuer/distancer
leader/follower
Kantor's four players (movers, opposers, followers, bystanders)

Energetic Roles

initiator
starter
maintainer
finisher
leader/follower

Power Roles

Decision Maker
Resource holder
Privileged in context

These interactional dynamics of roles in relationships are often where couples find the most traction to resolve their issues. It's not the content of their issue, it's the way they engage with each other that causes conflict.

It's also good to note that most of these interactional patterns are resourceful & appropriate in specific contexts, but not others. For example; sibling rivalry can be a way to connect with each other playfully echoing your childhood. Or it could be an immature way of navigating an adult sibling relationship. Or it could be a very unhelpful (but common) way of sparrring with your intimate partner/s!

The skill lies in knowing your tendencies, and being behaviourally flexible enough to do that in appropriate contexts.

How Context Informs Relationship Roles

Relationship challenges are found in the dynamics BETWEEN people. They are the result of your differences in culture, family, lived experience, intersections in identities, and other contextual elements that have influenced each of your personalities and approaches to life.

We could frame your conflict as being about relationship roles, but without acknowledging the CONTEXT of your lives we're being dangerously reductive. Suggesting that relationship strategy will change your circumstances is bullshit.

In couples therapy the work we do to define relationship roles always begins with a review of the bigger picture-

We consider contextual influences like;

Systemic influences
Social identities & intersectionality
People
Personal factors
Transitional events

Stepping back to do some critical thinking about where this issue truly came from requires curiosity, generosity, and patience. It's definitely possible (and important!) to negotiate those relationship roles, AND crucial to name that those contextual influences will remain as constraints.

Like, you can redefine your logistical roles to have equal domestic labour, AND you will still experience the influence of gendered roles because of the structure of the world.

The most important factor is your understanding of those differences and contextual influences, and the way you CHOOSE to navigate them together.

Gendered Relationship Roles

The immediate relevance of patriarchy when we look at defining roles in relationships is to be very clear that your relationship did not generate this problem. Instead, you're experiencing this shit show because of the dominant patterns of thinking in whatever cultural soup you swim in.

As Laura Pustarfi says in her piece It Matters What Paradigms Paradigm Paradigms, "at the root of this systemic issue is the Western paradigm characterized by capitalism, patriarchy, colonialism, and mechanistic thinking."

This isn't the place for me to unpack those ideas in detail, but I'd like to take a quick minute to list some of the ways that patriarchy plays out in relationship roles.

Consider the 6 structures of patriarchy identified by Sylvia Walby;

1. Paid Work. A huge factor in defining roles in relationships is the amount of time, energy, and attention you each have for domestic tasks. The access of women to promotions, and the gender pay gap, means that logistical roles are negotiated to allow the higher earning partner more time & energy & attention for "work", while the other partner is expected to carry the full domestic load.

2. Housework. Not only are we socialised differently according to gender, but the Western paradigm values linear project type work over the circular caring economy. So... housework is unpaid, outsourced to minorities and those with less access to family money, and not valued.

3. Culture. Gendered roles in relationships are reinforced continually in the media, through lived experience, and in every aspect of the fabric of society. Those of us who are challenging the status quo find that the pushback from others can be quite confronting, and costs ALOT of effort to stay on mission. From the perspective of roles in relationships, that means that there's a serious lack of awareness about choices we can make! If you don't see it, or hear it, then you have to work a lot harder to generate solutions.

4. Sexuality. The different expectations for behaviour around sexuality create some fucking horrendous role conflict - and not just in the sexual sphere. Those judgements & 'norms' bleed into our self-esteem, confidence, and ideas about what a relationship 'should' look like.

5. Violence. Patriarchal violence speaks to the fact that "while men are usually exposed to violence outside the family, women and girls are primarily the victims of violence in the home and within the family. This has not only made the violence invisible and placed victim groups at risk but also made it more difficult to provide protection against extensive, systematic violence and oppression" (Patriarchal Violence - an attack on human security)

In the context of roles in relationships, this threat of violence (from displeasure and anger, to physical blows) can be a real barrier to good faith negotiation in a couple.

6. The State. There is little opportunity for women in political & public spheres, those that do occupy those positions are subject to atrocious attacks, and the legislation & policies that do exist to move towards equality are rarely enforced. From a roles perspective that means that couples may again prioritise decisions based on availability of choice, instead of their actual preferences.

Some well-known patriarchal logistical roles in relationships include;

- breadwinner, stay at home parent, home maker

- parental discipline / parental emotional support

- domestic logistics - indoor chores vs/ outdoor maintenance

- the 'fun' parent and the 'boring' parent

- social network maintenance

- decision maker

- administration

- care provider & emotional support

- and oh fucking hell I could go on forever here...

What is a Man's Role in a Relationship?

I have included this heading in this blog because people search the internet for this answer.

I want you to know that in my extensive research and experience as a couples therapist I have found there are zero roles that are more or less appropriate for a man in a relationship.

You will, however, be playing out gendered beliefs and relationship roles that are driven by patriarchal cultural ideals.

Let me offer you an alternative question to ponder:

"How could we as a couple, support each other to play to our strengths, pursue our passions, get the important shit done, and BOTH feel like we are contributing according to our individual capacity?"

What is a Woman's Role in a Relationship?

I have included this heading in this blog because people search the internet for this answer.

I want you to know that in my extensive research and experience as a couples therapist I have found there are zero roles that are more or less appropriate for a woman in a relationship.

You will, however, be playing out gendered beliefs and relationship roles that are driven by patriarchal cultural ideals.

Let me offer you an alternative question to ponder:

"How could we as a couple, support each other to play to our strengths, pursue our passions, get the important shit done, and BOTH feel like we are contributing according to our individual capacity?"

The Role of Capitalism in Relationships

The immediate relevance of capitalism when we look at defining relationship roles is to be very clear that your relationship did not generate your problems. Instead, you're experiencing this shit show because of the dominant patterns of thinking in whatever cultural soup you swim in.

As Laura Pustarfi says in her piece It Matters What Paradigms Paradigm Paradigms, "at the root of this systemic issue is the Western paradigm characterized by capitalism, patriarchy, colonialism, and mechanistic thinking."

This isn't the place for me to unpack those ideas in detail, but I'd like to take a quick minute to list some of the ways that capitalism plays out in relationship roles.

Consider the capitalist values defined by Bear Hebert in their webinar series Freely;

1. Growth. Under capitalism the economy is only successful if it is continually growing. Relationally that plays out as a belief that all things should always be getting better. This can look like a focus on wealth accumulation, buying lots of things (and replacing things with 'better' things), working more so you can 'do more', a focus on endless personal development or relational 'growth'.

Of course growth in itself is not a problem, so long as the growth is toward an agreed & articulated purpose, AND it supports your health & happiness.

2. Scarcity. There's not enough for everyone, we are competing against each other. Relationally people internalise the belief that its a single sum game. That if one of us feels like we're doing too much, it is because our partner is not doing enough. The feeling of not having enough, and the interpretation of that as meaning my partner isn't doing enough.

We direct our personal dissatisfaction toward our partner/s without examining the systems.

3. Extraction. We should be getting the most return for the least output. Relationally this plays out when individuals are always looking to "get their needs met", or competing against each other to continually do less for the other, while getting more for themselves.

Some well-known capitalist beliefs about relationship roles include;

making the most money we can is important, and so we should prioritise the highest earner. Their time is more valuable. Their contribution (of money) is more valuable than other relational contributions. Their input to decisions is more important.
your value in your relationship/s is tied to your productivity. If you are not working to earn money, your contribution should be tangible and labour based (cooking, cleaning, child care, and other domestic logistics)
people should be "doing the work" and if they're not we should cut them off or out of our lives
and oh fucking hell I could go on forever here...

People sitting around a wooden table planning with coloured pens and paper.

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9 Steps to Explore & Define Relationship Roles

Defining relationship roles is one of the trickiest parts of modern relationships.

That's because deciding not to play 'traditional' or predefined relationship roles means that EVERYTHING needs to be discussed, designed, and continually reviewed. Ideally you're checking in on roles annually, and continally responsive to changes in circumstances.

Here are some reflection prompts for you to explore the roles in your relationship;

That takes ALOT of effort!

If you find that every time you have this kind of conversation with your partner/s it slides into conflict (or remains unresolved), that's a pretty clear indicator that it's time to go to some form of couples therapy. These are the kinds of conflicts that can be easily resolved early, but lead to bitterness, frustration, and resentment when left for too long.

Here are some reflection prompts to help you explore & experiment with relationship roles;

Step 1 - Consider the Context

As discussed above, contextual information is vital to getting perspective on relationship roles.

Explore with your partner which of these influences impacts your relationship and the roles you each play, and talk about whether you want to continue that, change that, or stop doing it that way.

Questions to explore about systemic influences

Considerations of Contextual Scale

All of the systemic influences listed will be factors in your life, the only thing that will vary is scale.

Consider the scale of influence;

And ask the following questions;

Does this influence us at a [level of scale] level?
If yes, what are the impacts?
Does this help or harm us?
Does this help or harm others?
What action are we going to take at this level (if any)?

Identify the Framework

Consider the category of the roles in relationships you're working with;

What are the assumptions that belong to this framework?
What is included in the category or frame?
What is left out?
Is this category or framework helpful for us at this moment in time?
Are we being aspirational? Are we being pessimistic?
Would another category or framework be more immediately relevant and helpful?

Considerations about Social Identities & Intersectionality

Consider the following list of social identities & intersectionality;

And consider the following questions;

Which of these affect the way you define your roles in relationships?
What influence do they have on your beliefs about roles in relationships?
What do you each see differently? And where are those differences?
Where are the commonalities between you and your partner ?
Do you both have support & strategies from an expert in those areas?

Hell is Other People...

In the words of Brandon Ambrosino on Vox;

"
No, this does not mean other people are the worst and you should hide yourself in a dark, lonely room so that you don't have to put up with them. The line comes from a 1944 existentialist play by French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre called Huis Clos, or No Exit. In the play, three people are trapped in Hell - which is a single room - and ultimately, while confessing their sins to one another, end up falling into a bizarre love triangle.

The confinement of the characters extends beyond their physical holding room: they are trapped by the judgments of their cellmates. That's why one of the characters says, "Hell is other people" - because of how we are unable to escape the watchful gaze of everyone around us. "By there mere appearance of the Other," says Sartre in Being and Nothingness, "I am put in the position of passing judgment on myself as on an object, for it is as an object that I appear to the Other."

Sartre offered a clarification about his much misunderstood phrase:

"Hell is other people" has always been misunderstood. It has been thought that what I meant by that was that our relations with other people are always poisoned, that they are invariably hellish relations. But what I really mean is something totally different. I mean that if relations with someone else are twisted, vitiated, then that other person can only be hell. Why? Because … when we think about ourselves, when we try to know ourselves … we use the knowledge of us which other people already have. We judge ourselves with the means other people have and have given us for judging ourselves.

As Rugnetta explains: "Hell is other people because you are, in some sense, forever trapped within them, subject to their apprehension of you."

"

So it's well worth the time to consider the influence of the people in your life on your roles in relationships;

Who taught you about this role?
What did they believe? Do you agree?
Do they have good results in their lives in this role?
What might their values & beliefs be?
What does this person's influence mean for your relationship?
Is their influence supporting your roles in relationships?
Is it time to put some boundaries in place with them?

Step 2 - Explore Your Vision

In couples therapy when there's is a conflict about roles in relationships, it's important to agree on some key lifestyle choices.

Time is a precious resource.

We each have a finite amount of time to live, and within that to direct energy & attention toward what matters. This is a whole 'nother topic, but an important part of defining roles in relationships.

Every time you say YES to a lifestyle choice, you must say NO to another.

That might mean you agree that quality family time is more important as a couple than financial goals. Or you might decide that a quiet life and more rest are important to you both. Perhaps it's travel and adventure that you both value.

For example, you want to invest more time, energy, and attention into parenting roles. Where will that come from? Will you do fewer chores? Have less time for rest? Stop scrolling on your phone? Work less? Play less?

It's about getting really clear on the kinds of lifestyle you want to lead, so that your choices support that lifestyle. You might consider things like;

What percentage of our free time do we want to spend on domestic logistics?
Are there things we are investing our time, energy, and attention in that we could stop doing entirely?
When we choose to do this thing, what are we choosing not to do?
Is this important to one of us? Or both of us?
How can we find a way to fulfil both of our desired lifestyles?

The Gottman Method Dreams Within Conflict can be a really helpful resource to guide your conversation.

Step 3 - Eliminate the Shoulds

Planning the structure of our days comes with a huge side serving of SHOULDS.

That is completely normal, we live in a world that commodifies 'lifestyle'.
What that means is we are conditioned to believe that there are certain things we should be doing.

Experiment with these questions;

Where did I learn that this is a thing that Should Be Done?
Have I internalised expectations or desires that don't belong to me?
Does doing this thing, or not doing it, cause me to feel shame?
Does this activity energise me or deplete me?
Do I find this activity meaningful for my life?
Is it important to someone else (and therefore to me)?
If noone knew that I was doing this thing, would I?
Imagine never having to do this again. How do you feel?

Step 4 - Expand Your Village

It's not possible to do all the things!

* Raising a child is a full time job.
* Household cleaning, administration, and logistics are a full time job.
* Your full-time job is a full time job.

Add to that a series of part-time jobs - employment, health & wellness, fun & play, social connections, projects (home, work, passion) ,learning, pets, holidays, family, sleep, rest & relaxation, intimate relationships.

This is a time where we need each other more than ever, where the fragile balance of mental wellness is sliding, where emotional support is crucial, where we need to be with people who love us.

That means contributing to our friendships according to our capacity - maybe I have more energy than you this week, so I make & freeze lasagne portions, clean your bathroom, or pick up groceries. Maybe you feel more mentally stable next week so you listen to me cry, visit me when I'm unshowered, or help me with a decision. Perhaps we just exchange memes for 10 months because we don't have capacity for anything else.

Take a moment for the following considerations;

Which roles in relationships are things that actually someone else could do?
Who could I ask to support me in this role?
Who else could permanently do this role?
Do I have enough support people in my life?
How will I engage with people to create my village?

Step 5 - Consider Capacity

Consider your individual capacity;

Your time, energy, and attention.
How financially resourced you are.
Your level of social support.
Your physical capacity.
Your social identities & intersectionality.
Current events in your life.

It's simply not possible to keep all those balls in the air without burning out!

As you are exploring roles in relationships have a good hard think about your individual capacity as well as your partners.

Am I asking for them to do more than they can?
Can I have this need or desire met in another way, or by someone else?
How are we internalising hustle culture by wanting 'more'?
What would be the most satisfying use of our time, energy, and attention?
Will this element of our roles in relationships truly lead to better outcomes?

Step 6 - Experiment with Allocation

This part of defining roles in relationships is not about being 'fair'.

This part of defining roles in relationships is not about being 'fair'.

This part of defining roles in relationships is not about being 'fair'.

Got it?

This is about exploring what works for your unique dynamics as a couple.

The roles in a healthy relationship are those that;

are articulated & agreed
respect each partners time, energy & attention
maintain the structure of chosen lifestyle
support each partner's wellness and happiness
acknowledge individual capacity
are dynamic, reviewed, evolving.

I've called this an experiment in allocation because it's important to create this kind of change together over time, and for it to be dynamic.

It's much easier to agree to trial a new role, or do a role for 3, 6, or 12 months, if you don't think you're committing to a lifetime!

Some questions for consideration;

Why does this role require discussion?
Am I hearing someone else's voice of judgement? Or is it genuinely a desire of my own?
How would it feel for me to be responsible for this thing?
How would it feel for me to be free of responsibility for this thing?
Could neither of us do this role?
Could both of us do this role?

Step 7 - Define the Role

The concept of a position description can be helpful to consider- where the role is the title of a position, and the description breaks down;

It's helpful to get really granular on what you each believe that role requires.

You can consider;

What are our standards?
What are the benchmarks?
How do we know when this job is 'done'
How (and when) do we give each other feedback?
How often do we review this?
What will this mean for our relationship when this is successful?
Where is the "how" of this kept for reference?
What tools do we use?
Do we have skills gaps?
What skills are required?
What learning or handover is required?
Who do we know who does this really well?
Do we want to do this ourselves? Outsource? Stop doing it at all?
Who is the owner of this job?
What is the minimum standard here?
Can we live if this is never done?
Is this an important skill to have as an adult? Is it good enough to just 'not know'?
What parts of this role require invisible labour?
Which parts of this role require emotional labour?
What are the specific tasks required of this role?

Step 8 - Experiment & Iterate

Changing roles in relationships isn't just about doing a new task, it's a new identity that you are evolving.

That's because a lot of these dynamics are dictated by each individuals beliefs, values, behaviours, lived experience, and a life-time of practice!

Change takes time. And changes around roles in relationships can take even more time.

Bring your most curious, generous, patient, self to this experiment.

Know that you will both need to learn, unlearn, and relearn much of what you think you know in order for these changes to stick.

You've got this.

Step 9 - Rinse & Repeat

Developing an Action Plan

This is an ongoing experiment, not a one-and-done. That means that over time as you develop your understanding of your relationship roles, you'll become more discerning; you'll notice more data, and become aware of even finer distinctions within & between roles.

As you get curious with yourself & your partner/s you can develop an iterative action plan for how negotiate relationship roles that includes;

My Roles; responsibilities, expectations & behaviour
Their Roles; responsibilities, expectations & behaviour
Agreements; agreements about feedback, appreciation, effectiveness
Shortcuts; how you'll communicate with each other
Your Village; how you manage outsourcing & support proactively
Experiments; specific experiments in your relationship roles
Iteration; a plan for when you'll review & assess roles

You can do that by talking it through with your partner/s using the headings above to guide you.

Posted in Relationship Roles